What I Want Her To See

My baby girl is three and a half months old and already, she is becoming accustomed to her mom’s shenanigans.

When I was pregnant with her, I traveled to Puerto Rico, Colorado, Mississippi, Milan, Florence and Venice. I went indoor skydiving when she was only a bean in my tummy. I ran a handful of 5ks, covered a red carpet event, met Willie Nelson, posed for photo shoots, dived into my first post-college career and self-published a short story.

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She was with me for all of these things, and that was incredibly special to me. Now that she’s here, I still love being able to take her along on adventures with me, but I also know that she can’t come along for all of them.

She wouldn’t have been able to soar through the sky with me as I went hang-gliding, nor could she have been my plus one as I covered an Ed Sheeran performance for my event blog. She can’t really come with me to food tastings, and she can’t tag along when I attend a social media conference for work tomorrow. It wouldn’t really be appropriate for her to join in on every excursion I have with friends, and she probably wouldn’t have been nearly as amused as I was, had I brought her along to shower under a waterfall with me.

This weekend, my girlfriends and I will be road tripping it to another state, and Brynlee will be spending this time at home with her amazing daddy.

Since Bryn has been born, my whole entire world has been overflowing with joy, more joy than I ever even knew was possible. She smiles and I turn to goo. She laughs and my heart melts. I watch her with my husband and I feel as if happiness is seeping out of my ears. I made my favorite little person with the help of my very best friend. I look into her eyes and I can see that she is mine. It is the absolute best thing I’ve ever had the chance to experience.

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And yet, I still feel so capable of living my own life to its fullest. I heard recently that moms who work full time today spend more time with their kids than women who were stay-at-home moms decades ago. I find that admirable and selfless in many ways, but I also know that this isn’t the way in which I will raise Bryn. This is partly because I don’t feel that my daughter’s existence makes mine disappear. I am still here, as are my dreams, desires, loves and passions. Also partly because I have a sweet mommy who watches Baby Bryn while I’m at work and a loving husband who whole-heartedly wants to share responsibilities 50/50 with me as a parent. I am a little shocked by how rare said sharing still is in our day and age. But more than anything else, it’s because there is so much I hope my daughter will learn from watching how I try my best to live life.

I hope that she will always be open-minded and accepting, and that she’ll realize that everyone finds their happiness in different ways.

I hope she will see that marriage, despite the statistics, can work out. That actually, it can do so much more than just work out. That it can be beautiful, fulfilling and most of all, so much fun. I hope that she won’t settle when it comes to love, that she will only be with someone who is able to give her as much joy as she saw her parents give each other.

And more than anything, I hope she will see me living my life and be inspired to live her own. That she will have confidence to follow her passions, the courage to go after her biggest, craziest dreams and the desire to make a mark on her little piece of the universe. What I want her to know is that this world is hers for the taking, if only she has the eagerness to go out and take it. What I hope she notices is my hunger for life, and that this will make her appetite grow wild too. What I want her to see is me, the person who loves her more than anything, showing her how to fall in love with the life she lives.

15 thoughts on “What I Want Her To See

  1. Awwww. More proof that you’re a good mom!
    Bryn reminds me of LuLu Brown, who became famous as a plus size pole dancer who appeared on America’s Got Talent…. or maybe Lu’s daughter, I’m not sure. It’s the bright red up-do and chubby cheeks.

  2. Dear Lord I love this so much. I can’t tell you how refreshing and amazing it is to hear that you are still putting your life as a priority. You are still a person despite having a baby now, and you SHOULD continue to enjoy your own life alone at times!! KEEP DOING WHAT YOU’RE doing!! Looking forward to your email.❤

  3. I have been thinking about this very thing lately. We are in a society that upholds the parents who put their child first. And everything revolves around the children. And in some ways I think it’s great that our children are so special to us. But at the same time, I wonder what we teach them. That they are the center of the universe? I’m not sure. I don’t ever want to neglect my future children (as I’m sure you don’t either!), but I also want to show them that their lives don’t end when they have a baby. That they can still follow their dreams and passions. And kids learn by example. I’m not sure what that exact balance is, but I know I will be looking for it some day. People call it selfish, but I think it gives your kids freedom to be more independent. Love this post!

  4. I am sorry, but I find this hard to believe:I heard recently that moms who work full time today spend more time with their kids than women who were stay-at-home moms decades ago.
    This week I did read a research paper that argued that the reason we are getting so many children with speech problems is that parents are so involved with their phones that though they are “present” with their children they are no in fact speaking with them, hence the speech delay. As an educator I know that we do have increasing speech and social issues with students.

    These comments are no reflection on you or your life, I must say. Just general observations. Your little girl is gorgeous!

    • I actually think your research and the research I mentioned goes hand in hand. Moms are so determined to spend so much time with their children, as our society has become so very kid-centric in recent years, and mom-guilt is a very real thing. (It’s easier for me to not face all of said guilt as the majority of my friends are single) It sounds like it’s become so much more about quantity of time as opposed to quality of time. I think it’s a lot easier to be present when mommies also get time for themselves….That’s definitely the case for me anyway!

      Thank-you so much!🙂

  5. Um, this is beautiful. Seriously. I love the fact that you pointed out that your daughter’s appearance doesn’t mean your disappearance (I think I said that right?!) because you want to be an example for her of how amazing life can be. I think it’s awesome that you and your husband share your duties with her 50/50, too!

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